It has obviously been a really long time since I have added a post to my blog here. Things have really been crazy with going back to school and everything, and I haven’t had time to focus my thoughts to put anything down here. Now I am sitting back where I was for six months before school; at St. Paul Travelers, putting in some hours while I am home on break. The slow holiday season has given me time to “collect” my thoughts and finally put something down here…
I lost someone very special to me a few weeks ago. My Bubby, passed away on Monday, November 29th 2004 at St. Francis Hospital in Hartford, CT. This was the first time in my life that I have lost someone, and watched them go from good, to bad, to worse, ultimately passing away. See, when I lost my other two grandparents, it was sudden and I never had to see them sick. My Zayde passed away when I was eight, so I missed his time in the hospital. My grandmother passed away my junior year of high school, in her sleep, so no one was expecting that…
This time though, I did get to say goodbye to her and find peace and closure in the time that she was in the hospital. For six weeks, my family visited her either at the hospital or at the Hebrew Home, depending on where she was. We saw her at her best, and sadly at her worst. I got the opportunity to joke with her, tell stories of the past, and keep her posted on my life. She got to impart her “elderly wisdom” on me, and leave me with one special memory; her smile…
Man when the kids would show up (myself and the rest of the cousins), she would just light up. She loved seeing us, listening to our stories no matter how stupid they were, and hearing us say “I love you.” It was funny, she never got why we said we loved her, she always thought we wanted something. Now, I think she gets it. I was never brought up thinking that love you was something you just throw around. When we said it her, we meant it…
The hardest thing about her loss, is that it never really becomes real. You know what, as I type that, I realize that it is a good thing that it never becomes real. I can still hear her yelling at me for not shaving or wearing my jeans too long. I can picture her falling asleep on a chocolate candy bar and having chocolate all over her pants and her face. These memories keep her spirit alive in me, and that means that she is never really gone. All I have to do is not shave for a few days, close my eyes, and I can picture her look of disgust and humor at my gorilla-like punum (Yiddish for face).
What I will also always remember and hope to emulate in my future, is her friendliness and open arms for all. So many of my friends could call my Bubby there own. She would welcome them into her home for a slice of cheese, jell-o, root beer, or just to watch jeopardy & wheel of fortune. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t ever met them before, they knew me, and that was enough for her. It is amazing, how many of my friends came out to pay their condolences when my bubby passed, either in person or on the phone. I wasn’t shocked by the voices that I heard and the faces that I saw, but I was touched. If you are reading this, thank you very much.
The day after my Bubby passed away, my mom wanted to know if I had written anything yet, because that’s how I usually express my emotion over a loss. It is what I did when I lost my Zayde and my grandmother. This time, I never wrote, because I talked to everyone. Like I said, my friends were there just to listen. Now, almost a month later, I am ready to write. Here you go mom.
I will never forget my Bubby, but now she gets to hang out with Zayde and Grandma upstairs. What more could you ask for?
